I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
