can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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