so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it because I queefed?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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