I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
