I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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