dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
