imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
