guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
