Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
