I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
