I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
