I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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