i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
