you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
