I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This house was built for laser tag.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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