Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
