My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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