Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
