Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just tell him i said nine months
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
