my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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