I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
