Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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