ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
