apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
