Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
