JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
