my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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