She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
