My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
