you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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