Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
well you can't waste a boner
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
