please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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