wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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