Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize