fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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