Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
