my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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