Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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