I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
