i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
