Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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