Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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