I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
