Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
