You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
