would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
