Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
