I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
