Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
