Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just high enough for therapy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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