2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
