Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
