that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
