Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
is it fun? or sober?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
