I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
