yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
