You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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