i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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