I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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