Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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