Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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