I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
