get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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