Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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