one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
