Texts From Last Night

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  (718): View more from New York

  They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule

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  (718): They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule http://tfl.nu/5d7q
  Replies (44) Good night (1113) Bad night (3428)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys

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  (919): please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys http://tfl.nu/inic
  Replies (21) Good night (1017) Bad night (4782)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I cut my penus on the lid.

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  (316): I cut my penus on the lid. http://tfl.nu/uger
  Replies (38) Good night (650) Bad night (6253)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?

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  (614): Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right? http://tfl.nu/9010
  Replies (17) Good night (4782) Bad night (621)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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  (610): You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck http://tfl.nu/4xap
  Replies (35) Good night (6442) Bad night (1353)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You did not just nickname me "Nipples".

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  (847): You did not just nickname me "Nipples". http://tfl.nu/cizi
  Replies (22) Good night (3788) Bad night (1484)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  As long as you're not dating white guys again.

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  (801): As long as you're not dating white guys again. http://tfl.nu/e0lw
  Replies (111) Good night (2030) Bad night (4412)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.

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  (516): Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer. http://tfl.nu/tp9x
  Replies (5) Good night (2376) Bad night (903)
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  (310): View more from California

  Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me

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  (310): Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me http://tfl.nu/0v3x
  Replies (7) Good night (1610) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.

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  (970): I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly. http://tfl.nu/vykw
  Replies (14) Good night (1231) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD

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  (614): Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD http://tfl.nu/nf04
  Replies (9) Good night (1418) Bad night (475)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?

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  (270): Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with? http://tfl.nu/81ec
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?

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  (317): Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed? http://tfl.nu/ggrn
  Replies (13) Good night (348) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?

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  (650): I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened? http://tfl.nu/cgg7
  Replies (3) Good night (610) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine

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  (937): I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine http://tfl.nu/5cyu
  Replies (1) Good night (706) Bad night (326)

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