i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
