Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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