the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!