theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.