My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet