Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
