yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.