just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize