I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.