Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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