I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
