My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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