Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
