please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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