She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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