Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
