The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
