Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Two words: nipple clamps
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