Got a toothbrush?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
