Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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