Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
false alarm, still single
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
