I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
