Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
