you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
