Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
