You made me cry and you don't even care
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
