i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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