If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
